Friday, July 22, 2011

Lonely Wanderings

Kal shab mujhe beshakl ki awaaz ne chaunka diya,
Main ne kaha tu kaun hai, usne kaha aawaargi..

(Last night a strange face-less voice startled me,
I asked, who are you, it said- a lonely wandering)

Even though I created this blog long back, I never made any of my posts public. But these days my mind is plagued with thoughts and emotions. I was listening to this ghazal called 'Aawaargi' by Ghulam Ali yesterday and realized something. I realized how people change, how I have changed over the years. How I hated this ghazal till a few years back,when my dad played it over and over. Today it makes perfect sense to me. My heart is now aligned with my mind's lonely wanderings or 'Aawaargi'.

The mind is a mystic place, an infinite vault, that homes the plethora of our thoughts, feelings, images, memories, emotions, secrets and knowledge. The mind has no rules, no inhibitions, no boundaries. There is no morality, no judgement, no fear, no condemnation. It is only when we stir our thoughts, emotions and feelings with our knowledge of the outer world, that we develop morals, we judge everything and everyone around us, but most of all, ourselves, our actions, our deeds. We fear not others, but ourselves the most. For tomorrow, we have to justify the same thoughts in our minds again. The mind knows no stigma, it is Spotless.

It is amazing, how sometimes we try to find solace from the internal chaos of our minds in the outer world, and how sometimes we find peace within the mind itself, when we want to run away from the outer chaos. The punishment for committing the act of thinking is sometimes wandering and chaos and...... sometimes its peace.

Buried deep in my vault are thoughts I dare not let out, emotions I am unaware of , feelings that if converted into actions would only be disastrous. For years, we struggle with these, and yet, there comes a time, when they become mere strangers passing-by in the city of our mind. Some of them feel familiar, we look at them and smile. There are some that we had forgotten completely and they startle us with what they know about us. And then there are some, that we wish never became strangers, never faded into oblivion and stayed with us forever............... as memories.